


Who will I be when I'm with you again

by thewriteday



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: A Bit of Fluff, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-24
Updated: 2018-01-24
Packaged: 2019-03-08 23:27:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13468851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thewriteday/pseuds/thewriteday
Summary: Pretty straightforward: what if, the morning after they first kissed in the cellar, Charity woke up first instead of Vanessa?Just a little reimagining of events.





	Who will I be when I'm with you again

Vanessa comes around slowly, her hand stretching out to pat her surroundings. She hasn’t opened her eyes yet, but she can smell stale beer in the air already – and then her head kicks in, starting as a low throb and escalating into a pounding that she knows won’t be rid of easily. She lifts her hand to it to try and cool it off.

“Hey, sleepyhead.”

Vanessa bolts upright in her seat, immediately regretting it as a bolt of pain sears through her neck and her other hand flies up to grasp it. “Oh hell!”

“Hey! Take it easy, sunshine. You’re going to hurt yourself if you keep trying to move that fast. Believe you me, I was feeling the same way earlier.”

Vanessa finally opens both eyes – they practically creak with the effort – and looks at her captor (suitor?) dead on. Charity is crouching in front of the armchair with eyes that look a little red but if she’s honest, Vanessa thinks she doesn’t look half bad. Even if she is still in last night’s clothes.

“What time is it?” Vanessa croaks.

“Half nine.”

“Ugghh.” Vanessa groans and feels a fresh twinge in her neck.

“Here, take these.” Charity offers up two pills in one hand and a glass of water in the other. Vanessa hesitates for a moment, eyeballing the pills and then meeting Charity’s bemused look. “You think I’m trying to poison you?”

“Wouldn’t put it past you.” Vanessa snorts – which is a mistake, because it gets her head going again.

Charity’s head tilts as she considers this. “Fair enough. Though I’d be a right fool to poison the best snog I’ve had in years.”

Vanessa feels a blush down the length of her as last night’s “activities” come rushing back. They hadn’t gone far past kissing and a bit of light groping, but it all felt wonderfully, terribly exciting, even with a head full of whisky.

She avoids all eye contact as she takes the pills and water glass, going slowly so as not to let her body think it’s time to bring it all up as soon as it’s down. 

“You don’t have to be embarrassed. I mean, I know I’m not your favourite person in the world, but you must’ve had a bit of fun, right?”

Vanessa sips at her water again, avoiding speech as long as she can. Her first inclination had been to say yes, but that couldn’t be right, could it? How could she have had anything resembling fun with a woman – yes, couldn’t forget that bit that it was a _woman_ who she’d been halfway on top of last night – who she’d spent the better part of the last few months despising. And with good reason! Charity had been the thorn in many a backside in town, but especially in her family’s of late. And with that sharp tongue of hers – Vanessa quickly squeezes her legs together, trying to forget just what that tongue had felt like against hers.

Charity finally cuts off Vanessa’s long silence and stands. All of a sudden, she seems uncomfortable and Vanessa marvels at that a little. She hadn’t thought it possible.

“Right, well. I didn’t mean to take advantage. If I did, I’m-“

“You didn’t.” Vanessa is looking somewhere towards the ground but her voice is firm.

“You’re sure?” 

“Yeah. Very sure.”

Something in Vanessa’s tone, in her gaze, must put Charity on a scent because she tilts her head to get a better look at her. “Are you going to be okay? I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

“No,” Vanessa scoffs. “Far from it.”

Charity leans against the armchair, throwing one leg over the same side she’d been perched on last night. 

“I know we’re not friends but-" Charity starts, and Vanessa scoffs at that too. “But what?”

“Well if you wanted to talk about anything.”

“What’s there to talk about? It was a drunken, misguided fumble. You were having me on to get to my dad and you’ve done a pretty good job, so, mission accomplished, I guess.” Last night’s grimace is back full force.

“Hey!” Charity turns towards her and Vanessa immediately cowers. “This had nothing to do with your dad! Besides you chasing me downstairs because of some gibes against Megan. I kissed you because I wanted to, okay? Because we were stuck down here and we were actually listening to each other – which I suspect doesn’t happen that often for either of us – and you were…” Charity cuts herself off there. Vanessa looks up to catch her staring off into middle distance.

“I was what? Easy?” She means it as more of a barb at herself than Charity, but the way it comes out, dipped in the fresh acid of the first bad hangover in who knows how long, is cutting.

Charity’s eyes snap to hers. “Actually, I was going to say lovely.” Charity lets the word sit for a moment and Vanessa’s breath leaves her body. “But it must have been my liquored-up brain because you’re just as nasty now as you were before I started kissing you.”

Charity shifts to stand up but Vanessa catches her arm.

“I’m sorry.” Vanessa says. Charity just rolls her eyes, “Don’t start in with that again.” But she stays put, so Vanessa releases her arm.

“I am, though. You were right the first time – I did have fun, strange as that may be. It’s just hard, you know, with all of the stuff with my dad. Not to mention the fact that I haven’t kissed a woman since-“ Vanessa’s mouth snaps close, cutting herself off before she has a chance to divulge too much.

Charity turns, eyebrows raised, a renewed glint in her eye. “So you've dipped into Sapphic waters before, have you? Well, that explains how you kiss.”

“What does that mean?” Vanessa’s flushed again. Her face feels kettle hot, but she can’t stop herself.

Charity licks her lips. “Like you’ve been searching for water on dry land and suddenly you’ve found it.”

Vanessa pulls the blanket up to her chin. Neither of them speaks for a minute, which is a blessing as far as Vanessa’s concerned. She could do with a break from the most surreal morning she thinks she’s ever had.

Vanessa side-eyes her companion. “Why are you still wearing your clothes from last night?”

“I could ask you the same.”

“Because I don’t live upstairs – you’ve been up for a while, haven’t you? You could’ve changed.”

Charity picks at a stain on her knee. A stain that doesn’t exist. “Thought that wouldn’t be fair, what with you still wearing your getup.”

Vanessa blinks. “That’s almost... nice.”

“Well don’t get used to it. You know me.”

But Vanessa isn’t too sure about that. Suddenly, she isn’t very sure at all that the Charity she’s heard about, the one thought she knew, is the same one sitting beside her now. Vanessa licks her lips and screws her eyes shut.

“Charity, can I ask you something?” She says quietly, slowly letting her eyes open again.

“Knock yourself out.”

“Would you – I mean, no. It’s daft.”

Charity sighs. “What is it, Vanessa? I haven’t got all day and speaking of which, I don’t think you have either.”

Vanessa takes another sip of water and puts the glass down. She turns her body slowly.

“Would you kiss me again?”

“Pardon?!” Charity’s voice cracks.

“It’s just, what if it’s a fluke? What if it was just the alcohol? I don’t want to spend my whole life not understanding what the hell I am because I was too afraid to give it another go.”

“Well, that’s pretty bold before 10am. You’re sure?” Charity asks her for the second time that morning. Vanessa only nods slowly in response. She’s tested this theory before, but only with someone she’d already loved as a friend. That had muddied her internal waters somewhat and maybe halted any serious searching she might have done. With Charity, there could be no mistaking her feelings since the only ones she’d previously had were bad ones.

Once again, Charity slips down from the arm into the chair beside her and just like the last time, Vanessa feels her breathing slow to a crawl while her heartbeat picks up tenfold.

“One sec,” Charity mutters as she reaches towards Vanessa’s neck and for one wild moment, Vanessa thinks she’s going to throttle her. But instead, Charity carefully unties the knot of the cape she’s still wearing, which is nice, actually. There’s no longer a cheap string scratching away at her skin. It’s replaced by the soft pad of Charity’s thumb, which caresses her throat up to her jawline. Vanessa’s head automatically tilts ever so slightly and she inhales sharply.

At that moment, Charity’s eyes catch hers and she knows she’s done for. The woman hasn’t even kissed her yet and she’s practically puddled. She notices her eyes – sort of green, but changing all the time – which are, at this moment, focused like searchlights on Vanessa.

This time, Vanessa leans in first – well, crashes, really. She can’t wait, can’t possibly delay for one more second what she knows is on the other end of that kiss. She can practically taste the shock in Charity’s lips, but she adjusts quickly, and soon they’re pushing each other back and forwards, competing. Vanessa’s hands dive into Charity’s hair, down to the roots, where she can grip in gently and pull ever so slightly. Charity’s responding moan sounds helpless, as if for once, she’s let something slip unintentionally. The sound is the most inviting thrill that Vanessa can remember. It’s intoxicating. All at once, she feels powerful, wanted, capable.

She brings their lips to one last tender meeting, one last tip of tongue slicking Charity’s bottom lip, before pulling back, breathing hard. Charity does not speak. She’s breathing heavy as well and Vanessa can feel herself smiling.

“Jesus, Ness.” The sound of her nickname in Charity’s mouth gives her an added thrill, like a fingernail along her spine. 

“Yeah, that was,” Vanessa starts. “That was not half bad.”

“You kidding? That was fantastic.”

With the rush of heat to other parts of her body, she’d almost forgotten about her headache. Until it rushes back in to remind her. She lifts a hand to her head again.

“Might have been a bit overzealous, though.”

“Maybe,” Charity nods slowly as if barely listening, her brain clearly working away at something. She bites her lip and looks at Vanessa. “You know the best thing for a hangover cure?”

“No,” Vanessa breathes.

Charity pulls her in by the neck and kisses her soundly. She pulls back and looks hungrily at Vanessa. “You want to go upstairs and find out?”

Vanessa nods.

“Okay.”

**Author's Note:**

> Apologies if this one has been tackled before, it was just a fun conversation to imagine. Hope you enjoyed!
> 
> Title is from another Goldfrapp song called "Eat Yourself" (I don't know why that band keeps giving me Vanity feels, it just does).


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